Top ten priorities
Excommunigate (my working title for the Brash dishonesty) has completely overshadowed National’s Action Plan for New Zealand. Its top ten priorities for office are:
1. Cut income tax.
2. Make student loan interest repayments and pre-school childcare tax deductible.
3. Introduce an Resource Management amendment bill.
4. Introduce nationwide maths and English standards.
5. Require all Treaty claims to be lodged by the end of 2006.
6. Abolish parole for all violent and repeat offenders.
7. Overhaul NCEA.
8. Introduce more thorough medical checks for those on invalid and sickness benefits.
9. Increase investment in frontline education, health and police service and cut wasteful programmes.
10. Remove all references to the “Principles of the Treaty” from acts of parliament and abolish Maori seats.
These were somewhat overshadowed by “Prevarigate” (as one very talented frogblog reader has dubbed Brash’s dishonesty), so I thought it was only fair to give them some space. However, Labour put out its own “leaked memo” of National’s ten priorities for office. They are:
1. Call Washington for policy approval
2. Introduce market rents for state houses
3. Invite nuclear powered ship for visit
4. Increase cost of doctors visits and prescriptions
5. Sell Kiwibank
6. Cut funding to health and education
7. Reinstate the Employment Contracts Act
8. Send troops to Iraq
9.1 Start logging native timber on West Coast
9.2 Stop logging native timber on West Coast
9.3 Start logging native timber on West Coast
10. Hold party for Business Roundtable and Exclusive Brethren
Very amusing 
I imagine right-wing dwellers of the blogosphere will swiftly draw up their own lists of the first ten things Labour will do in its third term. However, what I’m interested in is what you, dear readers, believe should be the new government’s top ten priorities. So heartened was I by the response to yesterday’s request for names for Brash’s dishonesty (”Prevarigate” was the clear winner in my book), I’m now wondering if anyone wants to post their personal manifestos?
September 9th, 2005 at 2:32 pm
National/United’s ‘First Ten Things’
1. After intense argument, inception of Peter Dunne’s ‘Reasonable Ministry for the Family, the Outdoors, and the Future and Things,’ the key bottom-line item negotiated in secret pre-election coffee talks.
2. RMA scrapped - replaced with hastily prepared ‘Best Practice Environmental Management Act,’ a brief document freeing up corporate access to ownership of previously protected National Park land and centralising the Resource Consent application process to an office in the Wellington Zoo, staffed by a wizened chimp known only as ‘Bobo’. Bobo mysteriously approves all projects before him in record time, and is commended highly by PM Brash for his ‘tireless efficiency’.
3. All women MPs summarily dismissed from the National Party, due to variously cited ‘irreconcilable conflicts of interest,’ ‘instances of wilfulness,’ and ‘terrible impoliteness.’
4. Six weeks in, National announces ‘unforeseen’ deficit resulting from their tax cut package, and regrettably announces severe cutbacks in the education sector. NCEA scrapped and new ‘Learning Begins At Home’ package instigated. All public secondary schooling replaced by partially-subsidised home schooling.
5. National rushes through emergency budget amendments to bolster security at the Beehive, due to Rodney Hide and his ‘ACT Liberation Force’s repeated violent coup attempts.
6. All Black’s new ‘Special Advisor’ replaces primitive ‘haka’ with more civilised, couth, and culturally appropriate Morris Dancing routine before Northen Hemisphere tour. All Blacks whitewashed.
7. Nine nuclear-powered submarines surface in Wellington Harbour. PM Brash surprised, but reluctant to brush off US ‘iron grip of friendship’ so quickly. Poses for photos with US Ambassador, in congratulating him on US’s ‘formidable power of surprise’.
8. All Maori seats abolished. All reference to Maori language removed from governmental documents, legislation, and buildings. PM Brash excitedly announces ‘new, modern way forward.’
9. Oil drilling in NZ territories of Antarctica commenced. Energy Minister Lockwood Smith trumpets ‘a new golden age of economic..errr…goodness…or something.’
10. Te Tiriti torn up, pissed on, wiped between buttocks and burnt in secret ritual held in National Caucus Meeting. New Age begun.
September 9th, 2005 at 2:40 pm
DenMT
– US ‘iron grip of friendship’ — awesome. Between this and “wizened chimp” Bobo, I think you have crafted a platform almost as funny as the one it intends to lampoon.
Great.
September 9th, 2005 at 3:20 pm
You give me this vision of US subs popping up in Wellington Harbour like dolphins, only less benign. (sorry BJ).
In the very old days of pen and ink, was not lampooning a popular method for political and social criticism?
And what are we going to do come the 18th to while away our keyboard time?
Sorry, no farcial funnies in my pain relief fuzzy mind. But amuse me by your writings please. Joy.
September 9th, 2005 at 4:23 pm
Hey Joy,
Nice to know someone else is using this blog to help get thru’ medical mayhem.
I think I’ve got the method sussed now -
1) put long playlist of music into action, optional headphones
2) make a slightly tongue in cheek (but not too obvious) statement
3) remove headphones, eat lunch, etc…
4) return to headphones, laugh yor way thru tha responses from the obviously under-employed but over-paid right-wing blog spies
5) and try to remember the next stir on the list of synergistic subjects
Btw, anyone know where to get those radiation isolation suits, just in case the subs DO manage to pop up like dolphins?????
katie
September 9th, 2005 at 5:07 pm
Katie,
Thanks, good to hear from you. Yes, that is partly why I am more or less a stay at home and can indulge myself with this type of blog, and generally follow a lot of political and current affairs. Just going through an especially bad patch today, so whilst I hugely enjoy the group’s whimsy and appreciate the serious comment and information, I am having difficulty focusing my own thoughts sufficiently to comment much.
On a more serious note, I have seen many elections, and sadly, too often, and incoming govt, (not the roll over of an incumbent), have said “Oh, so sorry, but now that we are here we cannot honour our promises to do……….”. Which is one reason why Idid appreciate the Labour govt’s Pledge Card the first time round.
Anyone know if Brash is a Royalist or a Republican? Joy.
September 9th, 2005 at 5:21 pm
Joy,
haven’t seen him kissing up to any of the most recent Royal tourists, and his wife is Singaporean; they as a nation are well known for having pushed the British out of Raffles’ Bar, but they still tolerate very dictatorial government, so I suspect he’s neither but would rather be styled on the plenipotentiary. Gives one so many more options to tell people to sit down and shut up when they annoy you……
katie
September 9th, 2005 at 6:10 pm
Yet again, Frog, the only statements coming from the Labour Party, about the National Party, are lies.
Labour, and the Greens, are engaging in a duplicitious, deceitful campaign. They have made outrageous allegations, and made up those allegations, because the last thing they want to debate is substantial issues.
This Government is taking sixteen BILLION dollars off taxpayers, this year, over and above what it was taxing New Zealanders six years ago. And what have we got for it? A more expensive health system with more people on waiting lists; an education system that costs more but confuses students about their achievement and funds students in tertiary courses that have no educational motive; more invalid and sickness beneficiaries; a burgeoning state bureaucracy; and a police force that is more costly, yet has shattered morale to the extent that the public don’t report crime anymore, because they know it will not get solved.
That is the record that Labour is fighting this election on. But the last thing they want is for that record to be exposed. So all they can do–and all the Greens can do–is invent lies about the National Party.
But you can’t fool voters for much longer.
September 9th, 2005 at 9:21 pm
Well I have only been able to think of four, I’m afraid. You can pick any of the Greens Policies on energy, transport, peak oil, safe food, animal welfare, organics, waste or conservation to make up the 10…
1. Require every party in Parliament to have public unmoderated instantly-published comments at the bottom of all of their press releases. Respect to ACT and frogblog. Brickbats to Labour’s public forum.
http://www.labour.net.nz/forum/
for zealous over-moderating. Double brickbats to everyone else for having no public discussion.
http://stuart.cpanel.unitec.ac.nz/blog/2005/09/09/another-political-pa rty-allows-public-discussion-sort-of/
2. Require every party in Parliament to make their websites accessible to the disabled. The Greens are about 90% of the way there, none of the other parties pass 50%.
http://stuart.cpanel.unitec.ac.nz/blog/2005/08/28/political-parties-fa il-on-accessibility/
3. Legalise Marijuana - did you know that despite the recent significant drop in Cannabis Offences, New Zealand is still world Number One in marijuana arrests?
http://www.norml.org.nz/article567.html
4. Set up an urgent cross-party parliamentary commission on the subject of Peak Oil. I like the Maori Party idea (scroll down to Sept 5th entry, this isn’t a real blog, it doesn’t have permalinks).
http://www.stuff.co.nz/stuff/0,2106,3377216a14715,00.html
September 9th, 2005 at 9:53 pm
Four good reasons to keep the Greens out of parliament, Stuey.
September 9th, 2005 at 10:28 pm
Hi Lucy
Where’s your star gone ?
September 9th, 2005 at 11:37 pm
Probably gone to bed for the night, fastbike. And the name is Lucyna, I normally don’t respond to people who call me “Lucy”. I am making an exception for you, though, since you’ve pointed out my star has gone.
September 10th, 2005 at 8:20 am
insolent-prick
Instead of just ranting, please explain some examples whereby you believe Labour and Greens are telling lies. Joy.
September 10th, 2005 at 8:22 am
Frog,
I agree with your correspondent who rated FrogBlog as being very accesssible. I tried to read others, right across the spectrum, but none were as user friendly as yours. Thank you. Joy.
September 10th, 2005 at 10:56 pm
denmt….that is very very funny..you should knock up an a4 poster or something…
phil(whoar.co.nz)