frogblog

All political parties could do with taking themselves less seriously. It’s in that spirit that I wish to share the highly amusing piece the Capital Times’ sports columnist, Paddy Lewis, wrote about Rod’s call for a Black Caps’ boycott of Zimbabwe. Imagining other boycotts that the Greens might call for, Lewis wrote:

TUESDAY: Sue Kedgley urges all other provinces to stop playing sport against teams from Hawkes Bay because there are two Heinz Watties plants based there. “Most of these food products are produced in large industrial factories, come in packages so we can’t see or smell the food, and come from production systems where the focus is on profit rather than providing SAFE food and sustainable livelihoods for farmers.”…

WEDNESDAY: Nandor Tanczos [demands]… that New Zealand breaks all sporting contacts with itself until “the police prioritise 11 calls and speeding ahead of cannabis offences”…

THURSDAY: Jeanette Fitzsimons finally gets her oar in with a thoughtful opinion piece on why New Zealand should break all sporting contacts with those countries who use unsustainable natural resource management.

I await with bated breath similar columns (whether from Lewis or other aspiring satirists) about National’s plan to develop and deploy nuclear weapons so we can “pull our weight on defence”; NZ First’s plan to re-patriate all Asian New Zealanders starting with the ones who’ve been here longest (i.e. those that came for the gold); United’s plan to get the Families Commission to go door-to-door to ensure every New Zealand household has two parents (of different sexes) and two point four children; and Act’s plan to replace voting with a bidding system whereby every New Zealander puts as much money as they want on their preferred candidate and the candidate with the most money wins.

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