A privatisation lesson from an unlikely source

by frog

Cameron (Whaleoil) Slater has been having a bleat about how he has been treated by the private insurer Fidelity Life, which has cut off his income protection insurance:

1. Make the lia­bil­ity cus­tomer feel at ease. Their claim has been accepted because due to the over­whelm­ing med­ical evi­dence from their own doc­tors there is no way that we (Fidelity Life) can weasel out of it, the med­ical evi­dence sup­ports their claim.

2. Arrange for the first monthly pay­ment to be made and imme­di­ately go to phase one of the under­mine and destroy your liability’s cus­tomers self esteem

Phase one: Send a pri­vate inves­ti­ga­tor to wait out­side the liability’s cus­tomers house every morn­ing. Do not con­cern your­self with blend­ing in. You want the lia­bil­ity cus­tomer to know that they are under surveillance.

Phase two: Fol­low the lia­bil­ity cus­tomer when­ever they leave their home. Have the PI fol­low them on foot into shops etc and stand there behind a news­pa­per look­ing like an actor from a bad 70’s T.V series. If the lia­bil­ity cus­tomer approaches and makes it clear that they know that they are being fol­lowed, instruct the PI to imme­di­ately scurry back to their car and then ini­ti­ate phase three.

Phase three: At every meet­ing with the lia­bil­ity cus­tomer men­tion how poor insur­ance com­pa­nies have to pro­tect them­selves from lying cheat­ing lia­bil­i­ties cus­tomers but then assure the lia­bil­ity cus­tomer that you are sure that they are in fact ill as that is what their doc­tor reports state after all. How­ever they must under­stand that the poor insur­ance com­pany can­not let down their guard even for a sec­ond, and that if any­thing, no mat­ter how small, changes for them they must imme­di­ately inform the com­pany as oth­er­wise the con­se­quences will be dire as they will assume the worst.

Phase four: By now the lia­bil­ity cus­tomer is scared well aware of the con­se­quences and will inform you when they leave the home and what they do dur­ing the day. Once you have estab­lished that they are leav­ing the home most days and have some kind of rou­tine estab­lished total how many hours they are spend­ing out of the home. Do not worry if this time is spent at the gym, hang­ing out with a friend or going for lunch, it all helps with Phase five.

Phase five: This part is fun impor­tant and will reward the hard work you have put in thus far. It tunes up makes it clear to the lia­bil­ity cus­tomer that Fidelity Life is not a com­pany to be tri­fled with. With no warn­ing cut the pay­ment in half. Say that they have estab­lished that they can work because they are spend­ing x hours away from home. Explain that X hours sub­tracted from the monthly amount equals 50%.

Phase six: When the lia­bil­ity cus­tomer points out that they are not in fact work­ing or earn­ing for that period of time and that the pol­icy does not reduce until they ACTUALLY have a job make sure that you say noth­ing and just wait. The goal here is to starve encour­age the lia­bil­ity cus­tomer so that they will be more atten­tive to job seek­ing despite it being clear that they are fucked in the head suf­fer­ing a men­tal ill­ness. Once they get a job you can then say if you have a job you must be 100% well, if you are well then you no longer are cov­ered by the policy.

Phase seven: If phase six fails after 3 months rein­state the pol­icy and back­date the missed pay­ments. Apol­o­gise and explain that as some lia­bil­i­ties cus­tomers are liars you have been forced to test them to see if they are being hon­est. Ignore any men­tion they make of Doc­tors reg­u­lar reports that state that they are ill. Specif­i­cally call them in to the Fidelity Life Offices and explain to the lia­bil­ity cus­tomer that it would really be bet­ter if they went and got ECT. The short sharp shock will be bet­ter for them in the long run. If they react or tell any­one about this just deny it hap­pened, they are loony tunes men­tally ill any­way and no one will believe them.

Phase eight: Patience is your friend here. After the tune up edu­ca­tion pro­gramme the lia­bil­ity cus­tomer will be sus­pi­cious watch­ing our every move. Wait another year then repeat phases five through seven.

Phase nine: It is now clear that the liabil­ity cus­tomer isn’t get­ting the mes­sage get­ting well, we must move now to slash­ing min­imis­ing Fidelity Life’s expo­sure to the lia­bil­ity cus­tomer. imple­ment Phases 5 through s7 except this time make it 100%, and dig in for the long haul. Con­stantly explain delays in response as “wait­ing for the re-insurer”. The lia­bil­ity cus­tomer will even­tu­ally give up sui­cide seek bet­ter cover elsewhere.

That’s pretty much how injured people were treated by private insurers during the failed ACC privatisation experiment back in 1999-2000, I recall.

Now ACC privatisation is back on the agenda again, thanks to Nick Smith, and Paula Bennett and her Welfare Working Group are even hinting at replacing welfare benefits with some form of income insurance.

Funny how those on the political right don’t seem to get it – until it affects them personally, that is.

frog says

Published in Economy, Work, & Welfare | Health & Wellbeing by frog on Tue, May 25th, 2010   

Tags: , , , , , ,

More posts by | more about frog