Former Green Co-leader appointed to UN top job

by frog

Former Green Party co-leader Jeanette Fitzsimons has put weeks of speculation to rest and confirmed she has been appointed to the role of Secretary General of the United Nations.

Ms Fitzsimons, who retired from Parliament in February, was initially looking forward to spending more time at home on her Coromandel farm.

‘But Harry had everything under control really,’ she sighed. ‘And I was restless. I feel my talents are best put to use righting the world.’

Ms Fitzsimons denied that her primary motivation in seeking the job was so that she could be Helen Clark’s boss. ‘Although that is a very attractive prospect’, she giggled. ‘But seriously, I simply cannot sleep at night knowing that Helen is shovelling GE corn into the mouths of the world’s poor.’

Green Party co-leader Metiria Turei said that Ms Fitzsimons had the full support of the Green caucus. ‘We are delighted that our friend will be striding the halls of power in her flat shoes and cloth bag’, she said. ‘We need someone like her running the world!’

Mrs Turei also confirmed that Prime Minister John Key had been very supportive of the bid. ‘As far as he is concerned, one less greenie activist in the Coromandel has got to be a good thing right now!’ laughed Mrs Turei.

Ms Fitzsimons claimed that she wasn’t worried about the culture shock involved in swapping the farm for the frenetic pace of life in New York City. ‘The UN staff have assured me there will be room for my worm farm and herbal tea collection in the office’. Although she has concerns about how Harry will adjust. ‘He has been in a foul mood ever since I told him he can’t dig up Central Park to plant a vege garden.’

The Fitzsimons’ farm will be turned into the new campaign HQ for the Coromandel anti-mining movement. Ms Fitzsimons will take up her new role in June.

frog says

Published in Society & Culture by frog on Thu, April 1st, 2010   

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