by Russel Norman
Today is White Ribbon Day, the International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women.
White Ribbon Day started as a men’s movement in Canada, and it remains a great opportunity for men all over the world to take a stand against violence towards women and say “it’s not ok”.
I’d like to take my co-leader’s hat off for a minute and speak as a New Zealand man to do just that.
I love Aotearoa, and I’m proud of the society that we have built as a nation. But there is still an ugly and unacceptable underbelly beneath the surface that threatens the health and wellbeing of our families, homes, and communities, and that is the scourge of male violence against women.
As 2009 draws to a close, I lament the many high profile cases of male violence against women that have come before our courts and graced our news pages this year; tragic cases like those of Sophie Elliot, Tisha Lowry, and An An Liu.
And what is most tragic is that these cases represent just the tip of the iceberg. Many thousands more women (and children) around the country endure physical, sexual, and verbal abuse, often at the hands of men who are known to them and part of their everyday lives.
This needs to stop. I urge all men in Aotearoa to wear a White Ribbon today and to denounce male violence against women in all its forms. This means acknowledging the extent of the problem, owning up to unhelpful attitudes, confronting our demons, and challenging other men we know to do the same.
Some Green Party men will be joining the Wellington White Ribbon Day Race from Bunny St to Civic Square today to mark this important day. If you’re in Wellington, go along and support the event, and wherever you are, think about what you can do to help make this change that is long overdue: the elimination of male violence against women.
Published in Featured | Health & Wellbeing | Justice & Democracy | Society & Culture by Russel Norman on Wed, November 25th, 2009
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on the trolls and those who are unable to keep on topic
Here it says: “His lawyer persuaded the judge that any criminal record would forever mar his client’s career.” and “Despite admitting to drunkenly forcing a teenage girl’s head onto his exposed genitals in a Wellington alley way, the judge ruled the public can never know who he is.”
It would be a crime for me to say here who this low life is. But I would have a lot of respect if he stood up and took his shame, rather than hiding like a coward.
The judge, Eddie Paul, can be named though. He should be ashamed. Looking after the boys!
peace
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I noted with interest the fact that the two government press releases about White Ribbon Day that came out yesterday, both noting how it was a great opportunity for men to stand up against violence towards women, came from female Ministers. I reckon Alanis would have something to say about that.
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I do not need to wear a white ribbon to prove that I am not a woman basher.
Conversely why do they not have a ribbon day for men who get the bash by women? After listening to talkback today it sounds a more prominent scenario.
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pentwig – there have been a few quite through studies into this, that have come up with similar results.
Violence by women is NOT more prominent, however it is a serious issue that is very under reported. A common figure is that around 40% of spousal and family violence (including child homicide) is carried out by women.
So there is more violence carried out by men than women, but the difference is nothing like what you might beleive if you simply looked at media reports. And due to relative strength, violence by men is often more serious.
I think any anti-violence group needs to be careful that they don’t try to make violence solely a problem by one gender or the other. That effectively minimalises violence towards everyone else i.e. the other gender and children.
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Pentwig, you begin your sentence with: “after listening to talkback today”. Perhaps that should give you a clue that you might not be listening to the most neutral and accurate information.
I like the line in Russel Norman’s original post when he says “this means acknowledging the extent of the problem, owning up to unhelpful attitudes, confronting our demons, and challenging other men we know to do the same.” I think the mundane things – like refusing to laugh at a sexist/violent joke, or boycotting companies who use such messages in their ads – are so important in changing these dangerous attitudes.
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Furthermore, a good article which might answer some questions for you, pentwig: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/8377836.stm.
The attitudes revealed towards the end of the article are particularly telling. We are not going to get far in our goal of reducing violence against women if we still think women are ‘asking for it’ by wearing revealing clothing or getting drunk.
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It was great to represent the Green Party today at the white ribbon event in Wellington. Teams of men (about 200 in all) took part in a relay run to Civic Square, where they were met with speeches from Mayor Kerry Prendergast and legend, Norm Hewitt. No other parties were represented there, but I’m sure men from all parties in Parliament support the cause.
I was impressed to see teams from Police, Army, Ministry of Heath, Disabled Persons Assembly, Wellington City Council, Bunnings, Meridian, KiwiRail, New World Supermarket and others (forgive me for forgetting some!)
The message was that all men have a role to play in stopping violence, and I strongly agree with that. Norm Hewitt’s message of hope and redemption was powerful and spot on. Those of us trapped in cycles of violence need to take responsibility for breaking them and reaching out for help. Those others of us have a responsibility to make changing this culture our business.
I also want to take the opportunity to draw attention to another white ribbon event today, where Nelson men gathered on the Cathedral step to demonstrate their stand against violence. No doubt there were many such gatherings throughout the country. What is special about this one (for me anyway) was that it was organised by a group of young men from Nelson College for Boys, and the organisation they formed: Students Against Violence Everywhere, which has also been active in support of the law protecting children from violence.
I know that school was heavily involved in the “Good Man” project, and there is no doubt in my mind that the leadership these young guys have shown on stopping violence eloquently demonstrates that they are, in fact, good men. They give me hope for the future.
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It is a pity that Russel’s request wasn’t published yesterday. I’ve only just seen this request, but there is no point in me trying to find a white ribbon just to wear around the house tonight!
Trevor.
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mcol & photonz1
Violence is violence no matter what gender is responsible.
To single out one gender is hypopcrisy at its best.
I would consider an anti violence stance in the family more to the point and more honest.
Oh and mcol I prefer not to be told on how to react to any sort of humour. That the humour might be in bad taste is irrevelant, if it is comical I will laugh. This is commonly an involuntary reaction.
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Well, that’s the rape culture, petwig. You’re soaking in it; we all are.
http://shakespearessister.blogspot.com/2009/10/rape-culture-101.html
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Pentwig*, sorry.
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mcol
Please explain to me how I suscribe to rape culture by having a sense of humour.
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Don’t think those links are working. The article about the study is called “Sexist Humor No Laughing Matter, Psychologist Says” and can be found at sciencedaily. The t-shirt(s) are on a blog called Sociological Images, and the post is called Sexist T-Shirts.
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mcol
Good grief that’s pulling an extremely long bow.
Even if you take it seriously (apparently you do), you cannot control satire or comic perception.
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http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/women-are-more-violent- says-study-622388.html
Which is something I can personally attest to, as I have been slapped a couple of times now, and have had to restrain my wife with respect to my kids… and I have never hit her at all.
This is very different from the rape issue, but indicates that there is a need to differentiate the generic “violence” issues from the culture of male-dominance female-as-chattel that allows rape to be excused on account of “provocation”.
I sense some cross purposes here.. trying to highlight them.
respectfully
BJ
So
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In my own relationship I can atest to this. My wife is more violent than me, however i am never afraid of her due to the fact I am bigger and stronger than her. I think couples should always practise restraint but if you are physically larger and stronger you should probably practise MORE restraint.
I think one of the reasons women can be violent is that their violent actions often do not cause physical damage so they can get away with that kind of behaviour far more than someone who is bigger, I don’t think this is just reserved for women, if you grow up as a boy and you are much bigger than the other boys you usually develop a more passive approach to violence, in my experience it’s always the little guy in the bar who starts the fight
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BJChip
I start off stating that I dont agree with gender biased programmes then get accused of cultural rape!! Further, I am told to adjust my sense of humour.
I think I could catergorise mcol down to the last hair but that would off topic and achieve zilch.
I still feel gender biased days to be abhorrent and extremely unPC in todays world. I also will not try to stifle laughter no matter what the humour.
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Mcol,
Put a space before the bracket and the link works fine. Ditto for any other type of punctuation.
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Pentwig, I know I cannot control comic perception. What I am saying is that YOU can control how you perceive humour, as can each of us. If you want to laugh at rape jokes, that’s your prerogative. Go for it. I’m just pointing out that it’s perhaps not as harmless as you might think.
I also didn’t accuse you of ‘cultural rape’. I don’t even know what cultural rape is! What I did say is that you, and I, exist in a rape culture – in which rape jokes are commonplace, women who are raped when they are drunk are ‘asking for it’, and the majority of rapes go unreported and unpunished.
Sapient – thanks!
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mcol
“Well, that’s the rape culture, petwig. You’re soaking in it;” your words mcol.
If you don’t know what rape culture is why accuse me of it?
How can you say you did not accuse me of it?
As an aside I consider any man who performs rape as a non person who has no status and degenerate, but you will not tell me what humour I will laugh at. I find laughing at good humour whether degenerate or not somewhat uncontrollable. It’s a human trait I believe.
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Here’s one for you then pentwig:
Q: What do you say to a woman with two black eyes?
A: Nothing, you’ve already told her twice!
Hahahahahahahahahaha!… Urrrrgggghh.
White Ribbon Day, we have a long way to go…
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I’m new(ish) greenfly – I’m yet to learn all the characters around this place. But thanks for the heads up!
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Nah mcol – it was a joke (pander/panda/two black eyes..)and pretty obscure.
By all means do as you will with pentwig – God knows, he’s up for it!
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That ‘joke’ was not funny mcol. If Pentwig finds it funny then there is a need for him to change his attitude by putting himself in the place of the abused person. Humour often serves to release tension. Anybody who laughs at that ‘joke’ is probably threatened by women; maybe because they have been verbally abused and put down by a woman. I agree with Pentwig in that being ordered not to laugh will not work. I suggest that anybody who laughs at such jokes needs the help of a cognitive psychologist or similar, if they can be persuaded that they are part of the abuse/violence cycle.
E
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D’oh!
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It was very impressive reading this post.I was deeply touched by with the great thought for women.I would have surely joined the event if I was there in Wellington.
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